oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
