I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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