Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
