from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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