I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize