She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
