just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize