Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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