I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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