Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
