I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
