when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
