She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize