My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
