so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
