I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize