yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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