I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
