my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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