i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
