i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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