i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
