I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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