drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he thought i was a dude.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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