He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
