Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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