he shaved USA in his pubs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
