apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
