I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
