That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
