wake up i wanna do it froggy style
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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