i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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