Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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