Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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