I wish my penis had an off switch
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
