I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
