thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize