Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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