I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
