I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
