i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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