i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
