last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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