Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
