sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize