; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
