i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
