we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
