I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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