So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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