It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize