These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
