You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
