You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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