I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
false alarm. still invincible.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
