Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
