i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
