I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
