too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
