Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
