If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
