i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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