I wish I could teleport
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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