Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
