One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
