Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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