If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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