all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
