Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
