Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
