this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
