Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
