One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
