I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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