When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
