just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
