I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How external is "for external use only"?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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